Sevenoaks railway line to be converted into cycle superhighway

The Tonbridge to Orpington railway line is to be turned into a cycle “superhighway” by 2024 in order to meet increasing commuter demand.

The Kent Route Study showed that it would be “far more challenging” to meet the required capacity by a railway after 2024. The only affordable way of doing so, by increasing the capacity of trains by removing the seats, was floated in the 2018 Franchise consultation and roundly rejected by passengers.

So the railway line from Tonbridge through Sevenoaks to Orpington will be converted into a cycle-only highway with easy gradients. Commuters will be able to cycle freely whenever they want rather than being artificially grouped into old-fashioned “trains”. This will greatly increase the capacity of the line, and it will have the additional bonus that every cyclist will be guaranteed their own seat.

Due to a lack of “democratic accountability” the route will not be available for London-based users of “Sadiq Cycles

Nul points

In 192 years the rail industry hasn’t been able to produce points or signals that work for two days running. So the new cycle superhighway should be much more reliable because it won’t have points and it won’t have signals. However we understand that Network Rail will construct the cycleway to “railway standards”, and so it will still need to close completely every other weekend for engineering works. On these weekends there will be a “Cycle Replacement Bus” although, as with Rail Replacement Buses, users will not be allowed to take bicycles with them.

Pay As You Pedal

The cycleway will not be free. We’re told that charges will be based on the existing “simple and well- understood rail fares system”, and First Class fares will be preserved. The view is that even now the fares do not guarantee that you will get a seat, that the train will be clean, or that you will arrive on time; so it’s regarded as entirely logical to charge the same if there are no trains at all.

Cyclists will be able to use their “Key” smartcard to pay: Southeastern expect that the system will be working properly by 2024.

Southeastern staff will be redeployed to new roles: for instance the much-loved Revenue Protection Officers will be enforcing the new ‘Fit or Fine’ scheme where fatties wearing Lycra would have to pay an ‘Excess Waist’ charge. There will be no redundancies among staff who clean trains or maintain train heaters as Southeastern haven’t employed any of these for years.
Commenting on the announcement, Sevenoaks Rail Travellers Association said
“When we called for an innovative strategic investment plan for capacity after 2024 we did not expect anything like this. It again shows that Chris Grayling is willing to take bold decisions that no-one expects. We hope that he gets the rewards he deserves.”

Comments

Sevenoaks railway line to be converted into cycle superhighway — 4 Comments

  1. Lol.

    I should have saved the news that my Gold Record Card had arrived for today.

  2. love this detailed and insightful piece of online journalism.

    I for one will be dusting off my bicycle and moving home to Tonbridge to take advantage of this well thought out innovation…

  3. I assume the typeface you are using is Sans Serif? Actually with fake news increasingly merging with reality this could indeed be stranger but more factual than science fiction!

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